Saveur

Photo: Illustrated by Michael Shipley

It was a fantastical week in the world of food, which began when a group of Somali pirates—already in possession of one hijacked ship—attacked a UN food ship off the Somalian coast of west Africa. Though the attempt was unsuccessful, witnesses say that the swashbucklers managed to round up enough spaghetti, rice, and goat meat to last them several months.

Bill Niman is now putting his future in the hands— actually, the hooves—of goats. Niman, who walked away from his organic meat empire, Niman Ranch, last year after disputes over the company's direction, spoke to the New York Times Magazine about plans for his goat-fueled comeback.

In an editorial within the same issue, Michael Pollan spoke directly to the future American president, outlining the importance of a leader who is interested in and knowledgeable about food policy.

Back in Pollan's home state of California, there was more going on than just letter writing. The Oprah Winfrey Show trekked out west to film a program about the state's contentious Proposition 2, an initiative on next month's ballot that, if passed, would regulate the humane treatment of animals during poultry, veal, and pork production.

Prop 2 proponents say it would secure the humane treatment of animals—something that the organizers of a kitty-eating festival in Peru could seemingly care less about. Though PETA and other animal-rights groups are outraged, locals claim the cat sandwiches are a powerful aphrodisiac.

Worrying about hairballs in Peru is one thing; drinking water, on the other hand, is a whole other headache. According to a recent Bloomberg article, bottled and tap water contain equal amounts of pollutants. Ten brands of bottled water were tested and found to contain 38 pollutants, including fertilizer, industrial chemicals, and drug residue.

American Joey Chestnut didn't have room for even a glass of water, polluted or otherwise, after he downed 45 pizza slices in 10 minutes to win the first Famous Famiglia World Pizza Eating Championship in New York.

Chestnut and his bottomless pit of a stomach will have a hard(er) time eating healthy food if a trip to Cuba is in the works. With devastating weather this fall leading to diminished crops, the Cuban government is restricting the quantity of fruits and vegetables its citizens can buy at local farmers' markets.

In Venezuela, the government is restricting the intake of an unhealthier food staple with a mandate to temporarily close all McDonald's restaurants in the country—115 in total. The country's tax agency said the closings were due to irregularities found in the fast-food chain's financial books.

Quite the opposite situation is transpiring in Harlem, where Bill Clinton's foundation has announced plans to strengthen restaurants in the neighborhood where his offices are located. The details of the plan are vague, but they mention the improvement of products and services of local restaurants.

Needless to say, Harlem restaurants will be advised against hiring cooks like sous chef Anthony Morley, who is currently on trial in the UK for murdering a man—before seasoning, cooking, and dining on him.

And though no verdict has been reached in Morley's trial, a trip to the Kali River might provide the perfect punishment. Local lore was confirmed this week after a giant catfish surfaced from the river between India and Nepal and swallowed an 18-year-old boy. The giant fish had apparently developed a taste for human flesh after years of dining on dead bodies, which are traditionally disposed of in the river.