Today my breakfast consists of fruit juice (bottled apple juice mixed with water, 50/50; I’ve also squeezed an orange from a tree in my backyard into it) to help swallow the following vitamins: C, D3, B12, and folic acid. I’m told I get the rest of my vitamins in my bowl of bran flakes. On top of the bran flakes I hurl a mélange of blueberries, raisins, dried currants, and banana. All of that is swimming in organic nonfat, non-lactose milk. Once I’m done, there is still some milk left over at the bottom of the bowl. So as not to waste it, I throw in a handful of Cheerios. I drink a large cup of coffee with it all. I try to find coffee beans from Kenya, Peru, Brazil, or Costa Rica. Sometimes if I have a winning horse at the races I will buy a pound of Blue Mountain Jamaican Coffee—very, very expensive. In the coffee I have 2 percent milk. Nonfat milk turns it gray, and I like coffee-colored coffee. While this is my everyday routine, on the weekend it is huevos rancheros!
Huevos rancheros take a bit of making to make, so I go to my favorite Mexican restaurant,** Kay ‘n Dave’s** in Brentwood. Theirs are perfect: eggs over easy (whites firm, yellows runny) on toasted corn tortillas with beans and rice. They’re topped with ranchero sauce, pico de gallo, and cheese. Sometimes, when I’m finishing my last bite, I go crazy and I tell the waiter, “Please! Do it again!” He says, “All of it?” I say, “All of it! The works!”
Kay ‘n Dave’s
262 26th Street
Santa Monica, CA 90402
Mel Brooks is a writer, director, actor, and producer.